I am very vocal about my support for the legalization of cannabis, which is the topic of several of my blog posts, but today I'm coming out in support of an even more controversial subject: the legalization of prostitution. Despite my history in the adult industry, this is not something I have ever engaged in, drawing a hard line between my work and sex. I was propositioned many times during my early 20's, and it made me angry. But after the last, particularly infuriating proposition, I had a conversation with a friend that opened my mind to thinking about prositution completely differently.
Today, I see the issues of cannabis prohibition and illegal prostitution as having very similar socio-economic implications. Consumer demand for these products/services has not disappeared despite their legal status, and it is foolish to expect it to do so after millennia of human nature. Thus, the black market abounds.
But it is the impact on culture that most concerns me in regard to prohibition of prostitution. Lest we forget, prositutes were the world's first professionals, and women were powerful where it flourished. It is the morality of patriarchy that condemns the practice, and puts control over sex firmly in the hands of males.
Sexuality is intrinsically bound to our humanity; there is no escape from this truth. Indeed, the need for sexual fulfillment often trumps reasoned thought, and society puts massive amounts of subliminal pressure on the female population to keep the males satisfied. The world is full of Brock Turners and Roger Ailes-types, and we women know that men who aren't satisfied can be dangerous.
It is a great paradox that our culture values females primarily as sexual objects, yet putting a price tag on that value is forbidden. It's no wonder girls develop self-esteem issues, when it's so common for girls to be lured into sexual relationships by males who see them only as a pretty face and a chance to get off.
What if there were an acceptable way to satisfy the physical needs without emotionally abusing another human being? What would it be like if women knew what men were willing to pay for a quick thrill? If a night with a person one didn't intend to love had a standardized value, I bet a lot fewer women would feel pressured to give in to sex when they're not interested. Most women want to consider themselves to be more valuable than a whore, and suddenly dinner and a movie would seem really cheap. If virginity were a commodity, I bet girls would have more incentive to keep it longer, even if they never intended to do sex work.
Much of my Adult industry work revolved around the kink/fetish/BDSM scene. If sex is frequently a taboo topic in our culture, "strange" sex is even more so. In my experience, most people have fantasies beyond the vanilla, but are very afraid of exploring them. Sooner or later they tend to bubble to the surface, and our society gives us no guidance on how to address them in a healthy manner.
The popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey demonstrates how widespread the BDSM fantasy is- it certainly wasn't the quality of writing that made it a bestseller. And then you wonder how many rapes and kidnappings and other horrible things could be prevented if only the perp had a consenting partner to play out their fantasy safely. Given the option of following an S&M club's rules or go to prison over a similar experience, I know which I'd choose.
People who frequent such establishments tend to take physical, mental, emotional, and sexual safety very seriously, as opposed to people who experiment at home. Unfortunately, dungeons are common targets of conservative vitriol, preventing them from offering the community services they truly provide.
It is well established that more sexually oppressed cultures have more problems with sexual violence, disease, and unwanted pregnancy, and that women are more subjugated. We see this clearly in the Middle East, with the daesh openly engaging in human trafficking, rape, predation of children, etc. Contrary to what the GOP likes to believe, these men are not using pornography or strip clubs to fuel their desires; rather, the lack of available outlets encourages them to victimize others.
Here in the U.S., I've been infuriated to hear people say that a girl "asked for it" by wearing something provocative, but the major flaw in this argument is that the man who victimized her is the one who decides whether the outfit is provocative or not. For the Islamic State, going without a veil qualifies. Imagine someone saying, "Look at that slut, you can see her nose." All too real.
Oy, the phrase "plain as the nose on her face" suddenly becomes lewd...
At the other end of the spectrum, my religion Wicca celebrates sexuality, and I enjoy myself greatly at clothing-optional events. Never once have I been mistreated because of my nudity, and on the rare occasion I have experienced leering, other participants step in to make sure I am safe. The culture is built on feminism, and it is the polar opposite of "prude."
I hear a lot of Christians describe sex as "sacred," but I have never seen that in practice. (Sadly, I have heard a lot about Catholic sex abuse scandals; I would hope that's not what they mean.) Wiccans include sexual symbolism in their rituals ("As the athame enters the chalice, so the Lord enters the Lady.") and have rituals designed for the bedroom. Covens often hold workshops on healthy sexuality because it's important and relevant, and it brings the community closer. There's a lot of openness and trust in our culture as a result.
To conclude, I think we could improve gender inequality, rates of violent crime, spread of disease, and unwanted pregnancies by legalizing/regulating prostitution and by providing more sexual education to the public. I've got great ideas for the latter, if someone wants to fund it.
Additional reading: The Ethical Slut
