The other day, Bill Maher asked a question regarding ISIS that stumped his panel: "Why do they hate us so much?" It's a great question, and I'm sure the Daesh have a laundry list of reasons, but those are only excuses as to why they chose to level their hate at Western society. The real question, whose answer has fueled Middle East unrest for millennia, is, "Why do people hate?" The "they" and "us" labels translate to whatever situation presents itself.
Chances are, there are things or people you hate, dear Reader. Turn on Lewis Black, and he'll have you laughing about all the things he hates. It's "cool" to hate teen pop stars if you're not a fan, and "moral" people often think they should hate wrongdoers, so as to identify oneself as "good." So hate is pretty universal, and for some reason appears easier to identify with than love.
We see it every day: acceptable, "harmless" hatred, even expected- your job, for instance. Hatred is used to influence us and to unite us. And people who hate together reinforce the rationalisation for that hatred, and what starts small escalates. The U.S. has its own history of lynch mobs and witch hunts, and even has its own religious extremists, like the ones who bomb Planned Parenthood clinics.
People turn to hate when times are tough- look at Germany between the first and second World Wars. I think there is a primal part of our brain that responds with hatred because it's easier for the primal brain to create a perceived enemy to fight than to accept the unknown in it's struggle to survive. Part of what makes us human is the ability to rise above primal instinct, so there is always hope, but rising above takes effort and people have to be motivated to do so.
Presidential hopeful John Kasich wants to create an agency to "spread Judeo-Christian values" in the Middle East, as he believes it will promote peace and inclusiveness. Kaish is completely ignoring a number of historical events if he thinks this will actually work, like the fact that there have been Christian missionaries in the Middle East for centuries with no luck, and like the fact that Christian nations have never in practice been peaceful or inclusive (the Inquisition and the Crusades come to mind- inclusiveness is found in secular countries, like the U.S.) Any messages we try to send to the Middle East will fall upon deaf ears unless they fit into the listeners' preconceived paradigm. That is, a Muslim is going to reject Judeo-Christian messages as fervently as Christian lawmakers have rejected Wiccan prayers to be offered before meetings.
Really, there are a lot of parallels between Islam and Christianity. Both are Abrahamic religions, broken off from Judaism, both have a messianic figure who dictates the religion's beliefs and values, both have followers who attempt to suppress alternative viewpoints and lifestyles (gay marriage, for example), and both have extremists who are willing to become violent to "defend their beliefs."
Ironically, beliefs themselves do not need defending- truth will go on being true regardless of who believes it or not, the world will go on being round whether or not the Inquisition convicts Galileo. Boys whose mother is insulted ("Your mother is a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries!") are not actually protecting their mother from whatever the other boy said when they start the fist fight. The winner of the fight will not determine whether one's mother was really a hamster or not, and no act of violence will ever prove one's religion to be true or greater than another. The idea is childish, yet we see it regularly, if in less extreme forms. People defending Christmas? From what- the right to celebrate Chanukah or Yule or Kwanzaa? It's awfully disrespectful to insist your holiday be acknowledged to the exclusion of all others. If Jesus really is the reason for the season, listen to his preaching on the Golden Rule- if you want your holiday acknowledged, do the same to others.
But there's the problem. People get so bent out of shape about who's right that they forget to follow what their divine figure taught them about peace and love. Those people have Belief, but they do not have Faith in their God's wisdom and power, which shows it's OK for people to be different, because that's how things are. If God wanted some country blasted off the face of the Earth, the Old Testament tells believers He is perfectly capable of doing so, but chooses peace. His followers are instructed to do the same. But on some level, people want to hate, and I don't understand why.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Would you go back in time to kill Hitler as a baby?
An online poll asking, "Would you go back in time to kill Adolph Hitler as a baby?" has shown that the majority of would indeed do that, given the opportunity. Presidential hopeful gave a resounding "Hell yes!" when asked the question, stating "You've got to step up."
A lot of controversy is going around regarding the Butterfly Effect of such an act, because we have no idea how that would affect the timeline. For one thing, Israel would not exist. Hitler had a huge impact on the modern world, down to American human rights- we strove to be more inclusive in our society to separate ourselves from them. Without him, who knows how history would have played out? Perhaps some other country commits the same atrocities, or another dictator takes Germany down the same path. The risk really isn't worth it.
And what about the morality of the situation? Under the historical circumstances, yes, that child did grow up to be Adolph Hitler, genocidal maniac, but at the time of his birth he was as innocent as any human being. There's another paradox here: by killing the baby Hitler, you erase his crimes, and it's no longer justice, just infanticide. You become the monster, a Herod. And isn't Jeb Bush a pro-lifer? Does he really not see the irony here? He's so proud of his Christianity, but does he forget the 10 Commandments when it matters? Other GOP candidates have suggested that only Christians are fit for the office of President (completely the opposite of the constitution), but one needs to uphold their ideals even under the most dire of circumstances, else those ideals mean nothing. Jeb, don't be a hypocristian.
A lot of controversy is going around regarding the Butterfly Effect of such an act, because we have no idea how that would affect the timeline. For one thing, Israel would not exist. Hitler had a huge impact on the modern world, down to American human rights- we strove to be more inclusive in our society to separate ourselves from them. Without him, who knows how history would have played out? Perhaps some other country commits the same atrocities, or another dictator takes Germany down the same path. The risk really isn't worth it.
And what about the morality of the situation? Under the historical circumstances, yes, that child did grow up to be Adolph Hitler, genocidal maniac, but at the time of his birth he was as innocent as any human being. There's another paradox here: by killing the baby Hitler, you erase his crimes, and it's no longer justice, just infanticide. You become the monster, a Herod. And isn't Jeb Bush a pro-lifer? Does he really not see the irony here? He's so proud of his Christianity, but does he forget the 10 Commandments when it matters? Other GOP candidates have suggested that only Christians are fit for the office of President (completely the opposite of the constitution), but one needs to uphold their ideals even under the most dire of circumstances, else those ideals mean nothing. Jeb, don't be a hypocristian.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
EXIT The American Dream, ENTER American Despair
It hit a little close to home when I heard there was another school shooting at a small Oregon college, as I work at one. I believe I read that this was the 142nd school shooting since 2012, and the 45th this year alone. Very disturbing numbers indeed. The politicians are calling for gun control again, which I do think there should be better background checks and the like, but it's not the root of the problem. My school had its own tragedy last year, when one of our football players was stabbed to death while waiting in line at 7eleven across the street from campus. The suspect was dispatched by police shortly after, but no motive was ever uncovered, and the murderer had apparently never even met his victim before. The weapon choice is incidental, based on whatever is available, just like the homemade bombs favored by Muslim extremists.
This blog makes some good suggestions for prevention of such tragedies.
The community outreach-type work described in the blog has been shown to be more effective than federal programs and policing, but that is still only treating the symptom. We need to consider what has caused us to skyrocket to 10 times the rate of youth violence seen in other developed countries.
When I was younger, people said that apathy was problem with our culture; I'd say we've moved from apathetic to despairing. What else could we do? The American Dream has become a taunt from the financial elite; the hard work that once paid off only manages us to keep us stationary, which seems better than sinking back into the quagmire. Our culture has become stuck in it's old patterns because there was once honor in what we did, and we are desperately trying to fill outdated expectations and somehow revive that honor. Capitalism worked well for most everyone while it was regulated, but now it's corrupted and we're still behaving like we expect it to work as it did before. We clock in to our regulated lives now, with little free time, less spending money, no room for advancement, and lots of neurotic attempts to comfort ourselves with how responsible we're being, because this is the way it's done. We went to college because we didn't want to "throw our lives away," loaded ourselves with debt, and got stuck working in food service anyway. And when we ask, "Is this all there is to life?" we are answered with a resounding "Yes."
Despite the obvious flaws in the corrupt system, the culture here is still very attached to capitalism, and alternative lifestyles are rather frowned upon. But if we don't address the issues of income equality and life satisfaction soon, the population will fall further into poverty and the crime rate will rise. But if I'm right about despair being a motivating emotion behind these mass shootings, then I believe we can ward off despair with curiosity, creativity, and passion (they became way uncool around apathy o'clock and are due for a comeback). All three emotions can be triggered by the Arts, and it's time we bring the arts back to our schools and communities. Currently in our culture, the perceived value of art is generally very low, a perception that has in recent years had a powerful effect on the quality of films and other arts industries here. Remember how much better movies were in the '90s? Today, tired plotlines and poor CGFX dominate because Hollywood no longer values its artists. (Or really, any of its workers, but most of them have unions.)
The oversupply of workers and shortage of jobs that pay reasonable salaries make employees less valuable to the companies than they were 15 years ago. On a certain subconscious level people believe that their paycheck defines their human value. And as we take those subconscious beliefs into the macrocosm, it should be no surprise that we are growing a disregard for that human life that is worth so little. To those who give up on the world and take out their frustrations through violence, it must seem like going down with guns blazing and a legacy attached to their name is more success than they will ever otherwise achieve. And success = value in our corrupted capitalist society.
So, my challenge to everyone in America is to apply some creativity this week and as often as possible to make the world more fun, beautiful, or intriguing in some way. Encourage someone's passion or curiosity if you can't find an idea of your own. Let's make living in America a little better by all taking responsibility for a single moment that could be improved with a song or a game or friendly encouragement. Because when we stand together, we're too big to fail.
This blog makes some good suggestions for prevention of such tragedies.
The community outreach-type work described in the blog has been shown to be more effective than federal programs and policing, but that is still only treating the symptom. We need to consider what has caused us to skyrocket to 10 times the rate of youth violence seen in other developed countries.
When I was younger, people said that apathy was problem with our culture; I'd say we've moved from apathetic to despairing. What else could we do? The American Dream has become a taunt from the financial elite; the hard work that once paid off only manages us to keep us stationary, which seems better than sinking back into the quagmire. Our culture has become stuck in it's old patterns because there was once honor in what we did, and we are desperately trying to fill outdated expectations and somehow revive that honor. Capitalism worked well for most everyone while it was regulated, but now it's corrupted and we're still behaving like we expect it to work as it did before. We clock in to our regulated lives now, with little free time, less spending money, no room for advancement, and lots of neurotic attempts to comfort ourselves with how responsible we're being, because this is the way it's done. We went to college because we didn't want to "throw our lives away," loaded ourselves with debt, and got stuck working in food service anyway. And when we ask, "Is this all there is to life?" we are answered with a resounding "Yes."
Despite the obvious flaws in the corrupt system, the culture here is still very attached to capitalism, and alternative lifestyles are rather frowned upon. But if we don't address the issues of income equality and life satisfaction soon, the population will fall further into poverty and the crime rate will rise. But if I'm right about despair being a motivating emotion behind these mass shootings, then I believe we can ward off despair with curiosity, creativity, and passion (they became way uncool around apathy o'clock and are due for a comeback). All three emotions can be triggered by the Arts, and it's time we bring the arts back to our schools and communities. Currently in our culture, the perceived value of art is generally very low, a perception that has in recent years had a powerful effect on the quality of films and other arts industries here. Remember how much better movies were in the '90s? Today, tired plotlines and poor CGFX dominate because Hollywood no longer values its artists. (Or really, any of its workers, but most of them have unions.)
The oversupply of workers and shortage of jobs that pay reasonable salaries make employees less valuable to the companies than they were 15 years ago. On a certain subconscious level people believe that their paycheck defines their human value. And as we take those subconscious beliefs into the macrocosm, it should be no surprise that we are growing a disregard for that human life that is worth so little. To those who give up on the world and take out their frustrations through violence, it must seem like going down with guns blazing and a legacy attached to their name is more success than they will ever otherwise achieve. And success = value in our corrupted capitalist society.
So, my challenge to everyone in America is to apply some creativity this week and as often as possible to make the world more fun, beautiful, or intriguing in some way. Encourage someone's passion or curiosity if you can't find an idea of your own. Let's make living in America a little better by all taking responsibility for a single moment that could be improved with a song or a game or friendly encouragement. Because when we stand together, we're too big to fail.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Thoughts on Kim Davis and her fight against gay marriage
In following the Kim Davis case, in which a county clerk has been denying marriage licenses to gay couples because of her religious beliefs, I've wondered a lot how many people would take her seriously if she were not Christian but of a minority religion. If this were the case of a Muslim denying women the right to go to school based on beliefs in Sharia Law, there would be outrage. In my mind, all the recent pushes for "religious freedom" are really attempts to put Christianity above the law, because none of these activists would support religious exemptions for minority religions. Otherwise, where's my right to consume psilocybin mushrooms and peyote in Shamanic journeys, as have been used for millennia? We can thank Judge Scalia for the 1990 decision that allowing religious exemptions would cause legal chaos, with people claiming sincere beliefs to get out of every crime imaginable. How long until I have to fear for my life because someone believes "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" is still valid?
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
On Bragging, its Social Acceptability, and Asperger's
I've been thinking about this subject today after reading a Huffpost article covering a study of bragging that was just published in Psychological Science.
The study compares the actual reaction of the listener to the reaction the speaker expects the listener to have, and calls the difference the "empathy gap." It then goes on to gauge listener's reactions to direct brags verses "humble" brags, where the brag is inserted "offhandedly" into a relatable statement. The Huffpost article offered examples:
Humble brag from Taylor Swift: "That moment when your cat casually walks up, then abruptly ATTACKS your Oscar de la Renta gown during your fitting for Met Ball."
Direct brag, from Kate Bratskeir: "I just won a gold medal!
The study itself equates the word with self-promotion, and claims the motivation to be "because they want others to hold favorable images of them." The so-called humble brag example does seem to fit that description, as Swift is using the cat to disguise an unabashed reference to her fame, fortune, and connections. Clearly she is concerned enough about public opinion that she won't say it as it is. If it had truly been about the cat, she needn't mention the designer or event.
But consider the second example... she just won a gold medal. She's happy. Who wouldn't be? She wants to celebrate it. Hell yeah! But no matter how she broaches the subject, it's slapped with a big, negative label: Bragging. It's her Twitter account, and the whole point of that networking site is to tweet about what's happening to you. What the fuck does society expect you to do, just pretend it didn't happen?
Funny, it seems to me that it would be more shallow to not celebrate your achievement out of fear that other people will think you're a braggart.
Asperger's could practically be described as a diagnosed empathy gap, and it's very common for Aspies to be called braggarts or narcissistic, but in our case the motivation has less to do with wanting to impress people and is more about absentmindedly blabbing about our favorite things. We do this because rehashing the information in a new way helps the autistic mind to comprehend it more deeply, make connections previously missed, and solve problems. Sorry, we're not really socially sophisticated enough to consider the reaction of the listener AT ALL. This was one of the things that hit me like lightning during that mushroom trip I talk about, and unless other Aspies have that lightning bolt revelation themselves, they cannot be taught.
Given that this empathy gap does exist, and the tendency of children is to speak freely of their accomplishments, I'm skeptical of society's unwritten rule that it's unacceptable to "brag." In a time when we are so influenced by meditation and mindfulness and taking responsibility for one's own emotions, this whole business of judging people negatively for being proud of something seems passive aggressive, not to mention counter to everything I learned from Sesame Street.
Serious question: why can't we be happy for the "braggarts" and celebrate ourselves as well? Why, really, is it so socially unacceptable to speak highly of oneself? I've heard told it makes a person seem narcissistic, but my experience, when a person does say something, they need the validation.
Why are people annoyed by bragging? Is it jealousy? Or maybe a fear of breaking the rule onself, and therefore anger toward those who do? Something I'm missing altogether? And why is it more acceptable to talk behind people's back than to talk about something that went right in your life?
I think I finally understand why NTs like small talk so much...
Cue the Dresden Doll's song "Good Day"
The study compares the actual reaction of the listener to the reaction the speaker expects the listener to have, and calls the difference the "empathy gap." It then goes on to gauge listener's reactions to direct brags verses "humble" brags, where the brag is inserted "offhandedly" into a relatable statement. The Huffpost article offered examples:
Humble brag from Taylor Swift: "That moment when your cat casually walks up, then abruptly ATTACKS your Oscar de la Renta gown during your fitting for Met Ball."
Direct brag, from Kate Bratskeir: "I just won a gold medal!
The study itself equates the word with self-promotion, and claims the motivation to be "because they want others to hold favorable images of them." The so-called humble brag example does seem to fit that description, as Swift is using the cat to disguise an unabashed reference to her fame, fortune, and connections. Clearly she is concerned enough about public opinion that she won't say it as it is. If it had truly been about the cat, she needn't mention the designer or event.
But consider the second example... she just won a gold medal. She's happy. Who wouldn't be? She wants to celebrate it. Hell yeah! But no matter how she broaches the subject, it's slapped with a big, negative label: Bragging. It's her Twitter account, and the whole point of that networking site is to tweet about what's happening to you. What the fuck does society expect you to do, just pretend it didn't happen?
Funny, it seems to me that it would be more shallow to not celebrate your achievement out of fear that other people will think you're a braggart.
Asperger's could practically be described as a diagnosed empathy gap, and it's very common for Aspies to be called braggarts or narcissistic, but in our case the motivation has less to do with wanting to impress people and is more about absentmindedly blabbing about our favorite things. We do this because rehashing the information in a new way helps the autistic mind to comprehend it more deeply, make connections previously missed, and solve problems. Sorry, we're not really socially sophisticated enough to consider the reaction of the listener AT ALL. This was one of the things that hit me like lightning during that mushroom trip I talk about, and unless other Aspies have that lightning bolt revelation themselves, they cannot be taught.
Given that this empathy gap does exist, and the tendency of children is to speak freely of their accomplishments, I'm skeptical of society's unwritten rule that it's unacceptable to "brag." In a time when we are so influenced by meditation and mindfulness and taking responsibility for one's own emotions, this whole business of judging people negatively for being proud of something seems passive aggressive, not to mention counter to everything I learned from Sesame Street.
Serious question: why can't we be happy for the "braggarts" and celebrate ourselves as well? Why, really, is it so socially unacceptable to speak highly of oneself? I've heard told it makes a person seem narcissistic, but my experience, when a person does say something, they need the validation.
Why are people annoyed by bragging? Is it jealousy? Or maybe a fear of breaking the rule onself, and therefore anger toward those who do? Something I'm missing altogether? And why is it more acceptable to talk behind people's back than to talk about something that went right in your life?
I think I finally understand why NTs like small talk so much...
Cue the Dresden Doll's song "Good Day"
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
On a Different Frequency... Literally?
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7087828
The above article is about a study that correlates the stimulation of alpha waves to increased creativity, and the scientists are hoping to test further on the effect of stimulating alpha waves on clinical depression. Pretty straightforward, but a couple lines in the article got me thinking.
Alpha frequency brainwaves oscillate at 8-12 htz, and as the article states, if you are at rest, you are probably in alpha.
The article references previous research that suggests that highly creative people display a lot of alpha waves. This seems plausible, and I wondered... Most of the highly creative people I know either have Asperger's or similar tendencies. It's not uncommon for an Aspie to say they need space or quiet more than most, and we even have an unusual ability to maintain at-rest states WAY longer than NTs. I've been known to read for days on end, and when my friend Starwind gets into a writing streak, you have to hope he notices the sandwich you leave him.
I knew that the brains of Autism spectrum people are different from Neurotypicals (hence the distinction), specifically over-connected in short range and under-connected between regions and hemispheres. But I'd never seen anything related to brainwa
What I found was the last thing I expected.
A study titled "Resting State EEG Abnormalities in Autism Spectrum Disorders," published in the Journal of Neurodevelopmental Disorders in 2013, describes a common trend in EEG scans of ASD patients regardless of intellectual ability that sharply deviates from a neurotypical brainwave pattern.
In a Neurotypical at rest, alpha waves are indeed dominant, with beta waves (seen during activity) and theta waves (light sleep or deep meditation) having a little influence, but virtually no delta (dreaming) or gamma waves (hyper-awareness).
An autism spectrum person, however, shows alpha waves with greater power than seen in NTs, yet in the full spectrum alpha waves are the least powerful waves we experience. Theta and beta waves are stronger, while BOTH gamma and delta waves are peaking. It's a complete inversion, the graphs of the two showing a hill and a U shape. But the coherence of all the frequencies is reduced, which is expected with the under-connection between regions.
So this brings up a lot of questions... Like, are the hyper-creative people from the previous research on the spectrum? Do we even know?
I originally thought this was an issue of Aspies spending more time in states other than beta, the primary zone for NTs. That would explain why I'm "just not on the same wavelength" as anyone else, but the actual results are far more bizarre and telling than I expected.
The above article is about a study that correlates the stimulation of alpha waves to increased creativity, and the scientists are hoping to test further on the effect of stimulating alpha waves on clinical depression. Pretty straightforward, but a couple lines in the article got me thinking.
Alpha frequency brainwaves oscillate at 8-12 htz, and as the article states, if you are at rest, you are probably in alpha.
The article references previous research that suggests that highly creative people display a lot of alpha waves. This seems plausible, and I wondered... Most of the highly creative people I know either have Asperger's or similar tendencies. It's not uncommon for an Aspie to say they need space or quiet more than most, and we even have an unusual ability to maintain at-rest states WAY longer than NTs. I've been known to read for days on end, and when my friend Starwind gets into a writing streak, you have to hope he notices the sandwich you leave him.
I knew that the brains of Autism spectrum people are different from Neurotypicals (hence the distinction), specifically over-connected in short range and under-connected between regions and hemispheres. But I'd never seen anything related to brainwa
What I found was the last thing I expected.
A study titled "Resting State EEG Abnormalities in Autism Spectrum Disorders," published in the Journal of Neurodevelopmental Disorders in 2013, describes a common trend in EEG scans of ASD patients regardless of intellectual ability that sharply deviates from a neurotypical brainwave pattern.
In a Neurotypical at rest, alpha waves are indeed dominant, with beta waves (seen during activity) and theta waves (light sleep or deep meditation) having a little influence, but virtually no delta (dreaming) or gamma waves (hyper-awareness).
An autism spectrum person, however, shows alpha waves with greater power than seen in NTs, yet in the full spectrum alpha waves are the least powerful waves we experience. Theta and beta waves are stronger, while BOTH gamma and delta waves are peaking. It's a complete inversion, the graphs of the two showing a hill and a U shape. But the coherence of all the frequencies is reduced, which is expected with the under-connection between regions.
So this brings up a lot of questions... Like, are the hyper-creative people from the previous research on the spectrum? Do we even know?
I originally thought this was an issue of Aspies spending more time in states other than beta, the primary zone for NTs. That would explain why I'm "just not on the same wavelength" as anyone else, but the actual results are far more bizarre and telling than I expected.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Aspies and their Frenemies
I overheard one of the student workers talking about a "kid who everyone hates," and it kind of set me off today. Thank Goddess it was at the end of my shift. When I asked why everyone hates this kid, she gave me a list of Asperger's symptoms: dominates conversations, comes across as narcissistic, appears to have no empathy, rude...
So I told her it really sucks to be the kid everyone hates, because I've been there, and this person sounds just like me when I was a kid. She told me, as if to soften the blow, "Well, I always try to be nice when I'm around her."
"And I bet she thinks you're her friend?"
"Yeah, she does."
"That's even worse, when you find out all the people you think are your friends really hate you. Don't do that to her. Because I'm sure she doesn't really want to be all those things you said about her."
This is the movie-script summary of that account; obviously there was a lot more Aspie quirk involved on my part, being a particularly emotional subject.
The symptoms I mentioned above are, perhaps, the most irritating traits we have to Neurotypicals. And especially in those of us who are higher functioning, they don't seem like symptoms, but highly undesireable personality flaws.
Growing up, various well-meaning but ignorant family members attempted to give me advice on how to make friends, but their messages couldn't get through because it's like we speak a different language. Narcissistic/ arrogant? But how can I possibly be narcissistic when I have such a low self-esteem? Aspies are 10 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than NTs. Unemphatic? Oh my God, didn't I just tell you that story about that tragedy that gives me the insight into your pain? Dominating conversations/ interrupting/ talking about stuff no one else cares about/ too loud/ rude? I'm interacting the only way I know how. I now know that I lack the mirror neurons to pick up on those social graces, and naturally tend to interact with the conversational skills of a young child- they don't understand about taking turns, when they get excited they want to tell you all about it, and manners are likely to be forgotten.
It's actually a bit ironic how NTs are so annoyed by our conversational habbits. When you get a group of Aspies on the same wavelength, we speak naturally, bluntly, interruptingly, and go off on wild tangents, returning to topic, then going off again and again. But the depth, complexity, detail and passion involved is unparalleled in NT chatting. We have no idea why you people engage in small talk... it serves NO purpose!
The insight I have on this topic is unusual- one of the hallmarks of Asperger's is our obliviousness to both social cues and our own lack of adherence to them. I have to give credit to psychedelic mushrooms. That experience changed my life. I saw it all for the first time- how everything I did was misinterpreted. It wasn't a problem with my personality, rather I realized the tactics I was using were not only ineffective, but counterproductive in the goal of making friends.
I also learned how to listen. And it was a shock to discover that I didn't know how before. But listening requires effort and patience and curiosity, which had never occurred to me.
Psilocybin mushrooms are, of course, illegal, but there has been a push recently to study their effects, particularly on depression. I'd love to see a study done on Aspies. There is simply no medication to help our condition, and without an expansion of consciousness we are doomed to repeat our mistakes forevermore.
Six months after my "trip," someone in my Vegas community said to me, "I don't know what happened, but you've become much more pleasant to be around." Kind of a jab within a compliment, but still the best news I'd ever heard.
I hope I made a difference for this person the student worker was talking about. It's horrible to be in that position, especially when you don't know why.
Even with the knowledge I have, interaction is still difficult. In fact, it's downright exhausting constantly trying to censor myself at work. I still don't really have friends, but at least I'm not quite so hated.
So I told her it really sucks to be the kid everyone hates, because I've been there, and this person sounds just like me when I was a kid. She told me, as if to soften the blow, "Well, I always try to be nice when I'm around her."
"And I bet she thinks you're her friend?"
"Yeah, she does."
"That's even worse, when you find out all the people you think are your friends really hate you. Don't do that to her. Because I'm sure she doesn't really want to be all those things you said about her."
This is the movie-script summary of that account; obviously there was a lot more Aspie quirk involved on my part, being a particularly emotional subject.
The symptoms I mentioned above are, perhaps, the most irritating traits we have to Neurotypicals. And especially in those of us who are higher functioning, they don't seem like symptoms, but highly undesireable personality flaws.
Growing up, various well-meaning but ignorant family members attempted to give me advice on how to make friends, but their messages couldn't get through because it's like we speak a different language. Narcissistic/ arrogant? But how can I possibly be narcissistic when I have such a low self-esteem? Aspies are 10 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than NTs. Unemphatic? Oh my God, didn't I just tell you that story about that tragedy that gives me the insight into your pain? Dominating conversations/ interrupting/ talking about stuff no one else cares about/ too loud/ rude? I'm interacting the only way I know how. I now know that I lack the mirror neurons to pick up on those social graces, and naturally tend to interact with the conversational skills of a young child- they don't understand about taking turns, when they get excited they want to tell you all about it, and manners are likely to be forgotten.
It's actually a bit ironic how NTs are so annoyed by our conversational habbits. When you get a group of Aspies on the same wavelength, we speak naturally, bluntly, interruptingly, and go off on wild tangents, returning to topic, then going off again and again. But the depth, complexity, detail and passion involved is unparalleled in NT chatting. We have no idea why you people engage in small talk... it serves NO purpose!
The insight I have on this topic is unusual- one of the hallmarks of Asperger's is our obliviousness to both social cues and our own lack of adherence to them. I have to give credit to psychedelic mushrooms. That experience changed my life. I saw it all for the first time- how everything I did was misinterpreted. It wasn't a problem with my personality, rather I realized the tactics I was using were not only ineffective, but counterproductive in the goal of making friends.
I also learned how to listen. And it was a shock to discover that I didn't know how before. But listening requires effort and patience and curiosity, which had never occurred to me.
Psilocybin mushrooms are, of course, illegal, but there has been a push recently to study their effects, particularly on depression. I'd love to see a study done on Aspies. There is simply no medication to help our condition, and without an expansion of consciousness we are doomed to repeat our mistakes forevermore.
Six months after my "trip," someone in my Vegas community said to me, "I don't know what happened, but you've become much more pleasant to be around." Kind of a jab within a compliment, but still the best news I'd ever heard.
I hope I made a difference for this person the student worker was talking about. It's horrible to be in that position, especially when you don't know why.
Even with the knowledge I have, interaction is still difficult. In fact, it's downright exhausting constantly trying to censor myself at work. I still don't really have friends, but at least I'm not quite so hated.
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